lonelytreestump:

My girlfriend sneezed and I accidentally said shut the fuck up instead of saying bless you

(via tomche)

cranapplejuiceadvocate:

me whispering to my dog in the dark: hey.. you still up?

(via tomche)

dapperzack:

zackisontumblr:

nobodybetterhavethisoneoriswear:

blogfrenzy:

homoboyfriend:

IMAX and climax

Blockbuster and cockthruster

Hulu and Woohoo?

Amazon Prime and sexy time

Church and praying for forgiveness

(via tomche)

flustered-custard:

“i’m 4% Irish, 28% German, 14% Scottish-

(via tomche)

itsagifnotagif:

When your parents ask you to do chores:

(via tomche)

jacobtheloofah:

contourkit:

I wanna go hiking w Shia LaBeouf I feel like he would listen to all my problems and tell me everything is going to be okay and then throw a rock at me

There is an entire song about why it’s a bad idea to go into the woods with shia labeouf

(via tomche)

intensional:

cuntagions:

intensional:

Every dog you see has a story

what about humans..?

Who cares

(via tomche)

humorking:

Trying to stay awake in a boring class

(via tomche)